Smartpunters.com - Blog the Earth

 Hey.

  Last night was bad. The day started out decent, I was going to go with a friend to pick up applications with a friend, and apply at a few places. Get the ball rolling. That didn't happen, I ended up going to the mall, for no reason, and feeling like a tag along, like always. I hate that feeling, and thats how I feel most the time now, always just being the annoying tag along with my friends.

  Well, I had moments of fun, and then my friend yelled at some guys in a car, and gave them her number. I thought nothing would really come of it, she just broke up with her boyfriend, to try and be with some other guy. Little did I know they would show up and we would be drinking all night. They were all really cool guys, so it was kind of fun at first. But then I realized, I was the tag along again. So while my friend had a total of 4 guys after her, I got to stand there and feel out of place. The way I used to cure feeling out of place would be to drink, until I didn't care. So thats what I tried, I know my limit, but I desided to drink passed my limit. Not a good idea. I ended up freaking out, and letting every one know the feelings I keep bottled up.

  Atleast they drove me home, I would have liked to do it myself, but only because I would have crashed my car on purpose. I just feel horrible for ruining everyones night, and showing everyone how  depressed and stupid I am. I also did something when I got home that I havent done in  over a year, cut. I hate myself for doing it now, but it's to late to take it back. It did help at the time though.

  So thats my horrible night, and my stupid actions. I actually don't feel to bad today though, weird.

Hey.

  I know that I'm far to unimportant for anyone to actually read this, or to care, but I figure I should put some background about me on here. Just in case someone desides to be interested.

  I'll start out with the basics, I'm newly 18, living in, literally, the middle of no where, in South Dakota. I still live with my parents, because like most teens I didn't learn how to save money, so I have to do that before I can move out. I'm also unemployed at the moment. And single. I've seemed to become lost on my way to adulthood too.

  Unemployment wasn't a goal of mine in any way, but it happened, in moments of pure stupidity on my part. I was ready for a change from working in Wal-Mart, it wasn't that I hated the job completely, there were just reasons. Included in the reasons are the following: management was horrible, no communication between the managers, forgetful all of the time. Also, all I did for my entire shift is stand in the jewelry department looking like an idiot, and getting yelled at for helping apparel, when I had nothing to do. Full time was also something I needed, which I couldn't get, because instead they desided to hire more people, than to give a current employee full time. So I looked for a new job, and found one, half an hour closer, and $1.61 more an hour, great right? I thought so. But I soon found out, factory work isn't for me. I quit, which means no job for me, and no money. I have things I need to pay for, I need a job, but moments of stupidity took over. So now I am vigurously searching for a new job.

  The apartment thing bothers me too, I would love to get out of my parents house, and see what it's like to be like on my own. A roommate would be amazing to find, since I know I won't find the best job to pay for everything. There is just a small issue with that, all of my friends I can't be roommates with, either because they are already planning to move in with boyfriends or other friends or because spending more than a few hours at a time with them would be a bad idea.

  This rant is enough for my first post. I'm sure I'll be back soon with something else to rant about. It's something I seem to be good at.

       Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this. And sorry if I bored you to death.